Let's Get Some Shoes

This post would have been a bit more timely in December when all the sales were actually occurring, but you know, I like to go against the grain. True hipsters do everything after it's cool. When I hear people bragging about underground clubs with bands that are "going to be huge," I like to counter with the statement that I just discovered Lana Del Rey. I look really smug when I say it. Anyway, I also like sales. Shoe sales, specifically. So from November-January, lots of shoes went on sale, and I accumulated quite a few pairs. Shall we begin?

1. These weren't actually on sale, but I purchased them at a huge sale at Tibi (where I bought only practical items such as a nearly floor-length embellished gown and a knee length navy blue leather skirt). Leave it to me to walk into a sample sale and walk out with something full priced. Because that is fiscal responsibility, kids.

These babies really have everything going for them. Pointy toe? Check. Color Blocking? Check. (I almost went for the all black version, but then I couldn't have added color blocking to this list). PVC ankle strap? Check.

Top down view because, why not? 

I could have modeled these, but it's easier to take photos when the subject isn't attached to you. 

Also, I have kind of unsightly feet... 

You probably know what these look like, so I'm going to move on now... 

Ha! Just kidding. Excessive is my middle name. 

Find them here if I'm your style inspiration. 

2.  While we're riding the Dangerously Pointy Shoe Train (Choo Choo!) let me introduce you to these Sam Edleman pumps. These up the dangerous ante by augmenting the sharp front with an equally weapon-like heel. Metal stiletto. I might not be able to walk in these, but I can take them off and fence. 

 Yes, all of these photos were taken in the exact same place: my windowsill. 

I'm not really into changing lightbulbs, so, welcome to my only source of light.

It's pretty creepy in this apartment at sundown. 

These shoes are described as "leopard print," but the are very clearly tortoise shell. 

Super glossy tortoise shell at that. Ever seen a tortoise so sexy? 

I am fully of the opinion that shoes can be sexy. 

See:  suede inserts and corset-like stitching down the back. 

Marvel at my power! 

Find 'em here, also in obnoxiously bright suede if that's more your thing. 

3.  Acne, which I just learned is pronounced ac-nuh, is one of my favorite (I typed "go-to" but erased it because I cringed) brands. What do the Swedes do well? Besides eugenics-approved offspring, they're really great at clothing/shoes that mix that Scandinavian minimalism ("I'm not really trying because well, look how hot and Swedish I am") with some downright weird shit. The first pair is the former, the second, the latter. 

Mixed leather and suede, to be worn when the ground isn't the sky's diarrhea.

Guess how many times it took me to spell diarrhea? (5)  

I think they might look better beat-up, but they're so pretty now I don't want to try. 

Some say I have comically small feet. I don't see it. 

These aren't sold anymore, but I think you can find them in red full price at Opening Ceremony.

Okay, I know you can do that because I contemplated it. 

Every once in a while, I restrain myself. 

The second pair of Acne shoes only gets one picture because I wore them the other night, mid-Nemo. 

Why? Because I'm intelligent. Why else? Because I'm not letting the weather get in the way of my shoe swag. These are kind of weird: 

The size of that rectangular block-cum-heel is even more ridiculous in person. 

Last, Elizabeth and James (not on sale; I'm a fraud...) I've been on a yearlong hunt (haha! three-day) for open toe booties. I settled on these because they look like something a Victorian era prostitute would wear. Or maybe, Anne Hathaway in Les Mes, post moral downfall, obviously. 

Back of the ankle: you always miss those few hairs when you're shaving, but these shoes will keep you and your prickly legs in line. See how I said "you" when I very clearly meant "I?" 

Front/back. The cut out heel is actually a great idea because it allows for mobility, something I don't particularly care about or consider when buying shoes, but in this case, it's a nice bonus. 

One more picture. 

Get 'em on shopbop

They also come in an amazing white/snakeskin which I am pretty sure I will have purchased by the time you read this sentence. 

I hope you enjoyed this episode of "Exploring the Depths of my Jappiness with Kayla" as much as I did. Next time? Leather skirts.